Cairns 2/3: Our trip is cursed, but koalas are cute

Bright and early on the morning of September 11th, we rolled out of bed, ready to hit the rainforest village of Kuranda. To get there we’d be taking the world’s longest cable car ride, 7 km over the pristine rainforest. Then an afternoon wandering the village, cuddling a koala, and buying trinkets. To return: the Kuranda Scenic Railway, completed through the jungle in 1891 after 15 years of work.

At least, that was the plan.

We arrive at the designated pickup point. A Skyrail van arrives and departs in two minutes flat, leaving us a tad concerned, but the hotel concierge assures us that there’s several buses they could be using. Minutes pass. Still no bus.

Sigh. Thing #252 is about to go wrong with this trip.

I called the Skyrail people. They confirmed that we had reserved ourselves for the following day. They even confirmed that I had called the day prior. But they had no record of anyone actually rescheduling me for today, the 11th.

We had missed the bus.

With a migraine gradually creeping on, I called several numbers trying to track down how we could make this Skyrail. Finally the concierge, who’d been politely watching me panic, stepped over and offered to rebook the entire thing from scratch.

At 9:05, she scheduled our entire trip in reverse: we’d take the train into the rainforest, then at 2:30, the Skyrail back out. The train, however, left at 9:30. And we were on a separate end of town.

A cab was hailed. We climbed in, annoyed beyond all reason and more than a little convinced that our honeymoon was cursed. At 9:25, with five minutes to spare, it dropped us off at the train station, and without much enthusiasm, we climbed aboard.

All this is to tell you that our attitude was pretty negative to start our rainforest adventure. I’m glad all we had to do was sit there and watch the scenery go by; anything with an ounce of activity to it would surely have lost our interest before it even started.

Now, despite the oh-my-Jesus-this-is-horrible beginning, the train ride itself was extremely pretty. We gradually climbed from 12 meters above sea level to 330 meters. The rail line itself, crafted by hand over a dozen years, includes several switchbacks, a half-dozen bridges, and fifteen tunnels. The notion that someone had walked through the mountainous virgin forest and managed to survey a route for a train to get through was astonishing. Some of the slopes were at 45 degrees.

It also provided us with beautiful views back towards Cairns and the ocean beyond. Once, we stopped for ten minutes to view Barron Gorge Falls. There we saw an amazing sight: two men, part of a landscaping company, were tying themselves to trees with rappelling line, and preparing to lower themselves over the side of the cliff to chainsaw and weed-eat the vegetation away. (How does one qualify for a job like that, anyway?) We had to pull away before the guy actually hopped over the edge, but it made us feel a little better about the landscaping job we had back on Cuernavaca Street.

After 90 minutes, the train pulled into Kuranda Railway Station (completed 1915) high in the jungle. We got off with the rest of the train, which like most tourists in Cairns, was over 60% Japanese. Once the crowd thinned out, though, the village was pretty nice to wander through. One tourist trap after another, but it was scenic.

We stopped off at a random café for lunch, where we had burgers; standard cheeseburger for Mary Beth, “Tons of Fun” burger for Kevin. Get ready for this: bacon, cheese, pineapple, veggies, and a damn fried egg.

There were logistical problems fitting the thing in my mouth, but otherwise, it was decent.

Time to cuddle a koala!! Kuranda Koala Gardens bills itself as one of the only places where you can ACTUALLY cuddle a koala, not just be photographed petting one. The price was 15 smackers, not as bad as I feared. We were a little surprised upon walking in how dang close we got to the wildlife here; no fences or glass panels, you could practically reach in and touch the big scary lizards (not recommended). A whole mess of koalas, most sleeping, sat not three feet from us.

My koala’s name was Maya (MAY-uh), an older female of the group. After waiting for the previous couple to finish, I walked right up and found myself holding a koala.

First of all: the things have terrifying claws. And it’s not just the claws themselves, which look like they could slash your head off; but they’ve evolved unusual hands with two claws in the “thumb” position and three “fingers.” So the overall effect is of holding some freakish beast.

Fortunately the REST of the animal is quite cute. That nose must be seen to be believed. Maya stubbornly insisted on facing away from the camera; every time they mounted her on my right shoulder she’d jump over to my left. If they turned me around, then the opposite was true. Finally the koala keeper deduced that she thought the painted tree on the backdrop was a real tree, and was interested in climbing onto it! They walked us a few paces away from the backdrop and problem solved.

Mary Beth also got in on the action, though she left the actual cuddling to me. And then our time with Maya was over. Well worth the fifteen quid.

Afterwards we walked through the cage-free kangaroo pit and fed some roos. Then the cage-free snake pit, which we exited in a timely fashion.

The rest of the afternoon was spent wandering the shops and checking out the trinkets. As always, some good, some bad. And finally at 2:30 we hopped in line for the world’s longest cable car, the Kuranda SKyrail. The thing is 7.7 km long, and constructed entirely from the air so as not to disturb the wildlife. MB is not the biggest fan of heights, so she was less than enthused at the prospect.

We successfully conned our way into getting a private car, and enjoyed the scenery for the 40-minute trip over the mountains and back to Cairns. It was a great way to see the rainforest both going and coming.

The evening was pleasantly uneventful; we went to see “No Reservations” with Catherine Zeta-Jones, the perfectest woman ever, and ate again on the wharf/marina before heading back to bed.