Great Ocean Road: How to spend AU$400
September 23, 2007 by Kevin
Surf Coast Spa, the jewel of Anglesea, was a hideous collection of purple buildings. The whole place was mid-renovation, which given its state was long overdue, but at present resulted in a construction zone-type appearance.
We missed the chance to back the car up and keep on driving. Instead we were checked into room 4, an unnecessarily large suite with a whole extra room containing three single beds.
We’d booked the “Romantic Escape Package” which includes spa treatments in the morning, breakfast delivered to the room, and champagne, chocolates, and a votive candle upon check-in. The votive candle was sitting unceremoniously on the dining table, though there was no way to light it. The untasty champagne and retail brand chocolates sat nonchalantly in the mini-fridge. Anticipating a large party, I suppose, the resort had stocked nineteen champagne glasses above the range.
Oh, but I get ahead of myself. The room itself! Pastel wall coloring. Enormous windows which in the brochure likely are advertised with a “Great Ocean Road view” but in reality look out upon a busy roundabout. If you want some privacy, you’re forced to draw the curtains, a busy floral pattern circa 1989, surrounding yourself with tacky. The furniture is wicker. The toilet seat is square.
In short, yes, this place desperately, DESPERATELY needs renovation. The construction workers across the way were accomplishing that task. In the meantime, however, we’d paid $400 for…this.
We had a tasty dinner at the local pub, apparently the only place open on a Saturday night, then headed back to our, uh, room for sleepy time.
The next morning we got the GOOD part of the $400: two one-hour spa treatments each. Kevin stuck with, you know, a massage. Normal thing. Mary Beth had to go for “candling,” wherein a paper cone is inserted in your ear, followed by a lit candle. The smoke creates a vacuum, or something like that, which draws a disturbing amount of wax out of your ear and leaves you a half-pound more clear-headed. So I have a relaxed back and Mary Beth has cleaned-out ears (feel free to joke now).
We hit the road, vowing never to speak of that hotel room again, and drove the last 100 km of the Great Ocean Road. (Part five: just a highway, no view to speak of.) The road ended ignominiously in a town called Geelong, and we drove the remaining hour into Melbourne, a busy bustling city that really really loves its public transportation: trams (aka light rail) run down almost every street, and there’s a subway network to boot.
Gratefully, we checked into the Atlantis Hotel on the western edge of downtown and I turned in my right-hand-drive Toyota Camry. I hope I never have to do that again.
